A child model turned grad-school stripper talks openly about the reality of being shackled to Beauty and the negotiations a life of Beauty investment necessitates.
Reminds me of Helen of Troy and the Salome poem by Clementine Von Radics and the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld.
Lovely lovely evocative words. Sticky and painful and filling. You said more than I ever thought about it, but I hope you get that conversation you seek.
Ismatu! I appreciated reading an essay about (B)eauty and desirability that moved the conversation beyond its relation to romantic relationships. I'm going to be thinking for a while about what are things I need to be honest about in terms of how my body moves through and is perceived by the world.
This essay is revolutionary and put many thoughts that I've had for a long time into words. Unflinching and powerful and undoubtedly important. Thank you for this.
this was such a hard read but so necessary. I think a lot about how beauty is tied up in worthiness and especially a right to exist, and the entire time I'm reading I'm just thinking "If I stop being beautiful or trying to align myself with beauty who will I be and what will my life be"
It’s so exhausting! The necessity to be beautiful and to be within the norm in order to survive and being forced as a stepping stool to uphold the ruling class is such a chore! It forces us to hate ourselves and create internalized shame by a system that was never designed to benefit anyone but the wealthy, white, men and ruling class elites who work to divide us of our shared experiences.
I am listening to with my husband and my niece who is 19 years old and who is beautiful ( in the lens of whiteness) but also beautiful in her blackness who id always asked if she wants to be a model... we are having an amazing conversation about this. Thank you!
You always pop off with your essays! Every time I read them , I’m compelled to take notes, and reflect upon my own experiences with both privilege and discrimination (especially as someone who used to be “ugly “). Anyways, writing this as a big thank you once again!
i am curious if you have ever felt and/or been made to feel in interaction with others (intentionally or unintentionally) like you were less than because of your disarming beauty and skill in wielding it?
admittedly, also coming from one who acknowledges their own unmaskable beauty, and the privileges/challenges that follow. And said from a space of wanting your story (if one exists) to be shared bc i think it could serve to protect many of our peers, with view of your platform, in many ways.
what a phenomenal question. i… nothing truly comes to mind in terms of my FEELING less than, because i’m confident to the level of obliviousness. however, i can bring up situations where i think the person intended to demean me (that are now only obvious in hindsight). usually that Beauty vs. intelligence dichotomy.
Thank you for the labor and thought you have put into this piece. I've never read such a nuanced take on beauty. I have read and listened to it a few times and have thoughts I don't quite have answers for.
1)At the end, it's stated that once your body (or one's body) ages, they will be closer to 'structurally Ugly' and thus free. I think this assumes that the 'Uglies' are free now; that their lack of desirability renders them free from being status symbols, or objectified, used, etc..., but this isn't necessarily true. I think you mention earlier that everyone suffers from Beauty, so how is it that you believe this will disappear with age? Any person that is a non-cis man is objectified and made to perform to legitimize Beauty as a regime---regardless of whether they're Beautiful or Ugly, no?
2)On Black beauty standards being rooted in whiteness I think I am still confused. On Beauty being a white construct even more so. Although probably different in form, Beauty has existed prior to whiteness. Probably not with the same capital power, but definitely with other benefits like social capital, desirability, etc.. I also think that structurally, traits associated with Blackness [ie: curvier bodies, big lips, darker skin, etc...] are being seen as beautiful, desirable. We see this with the obsession with BBLs, lip jobs, etc.. I am just a bit confused here.
3)What happens then for those not at/near the top? It's unlikely that those who benefit are aware of their position, think badly of it, or that they will try to topple the institution. How does one create a world for themselves in such a violent society that opts out of something so tangible. How do we put this theory into practice?
When you spoke abt the bra warning from mom I was like my mommmm said the same but I love my swing low sweet chariots🤣ismatu, I feel so so seen by your critical self reflection. Gosh. Thank you for existing.
It's like the pursuit of beauty is a pyramid scheme
Reminds me of Helen of Troy and the Salome poem by Clementine Von Radics and the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld.
Lovely lovely evocative words. Sticky and painful and filling. You said more than I ever thought about it, but I hope you get that conversation you seek.
the background music is a perfect volume, so grateful for the audio version
Ismatu! I appreciated reading an essay about (B)eauty and desirability that moved the conversation beyond its relation to romantic relationships. I'm going to be thinking for a while about what are things I need to be honest about in terms of how my body moves through and is perceived by the world.
Thank you
I want you to know, I share and quote this essay often and come back to it regularly. Thank you so much for posting this.
This essay is revolutionary and put many thoughts that I've had for a long time into words. Unflinching and powerful and undoubtedly important. Thank you for this.
Had to re-read this today.
this was such a hard read but so necessary. I think a lot about how beauty is tied up in worthiness and especially a right to exist, and the entire time I'm reading I'm just thinking "If I stop being beautiful or trying to align myself with beauty who will I be and what will my life be"
It’s so exhausting! The necessity to be beautiful and to be within the norm in order to survive and being forced as a stepping stool to uphold the ruling class is such a chore! It forces us to hate ourselves and create internalized shame by a system that was never designed to benefit anyone but the wealthy, white, men and ruling class elites who work to divide us of our shared experiences.
I am listening to with my husband and my niece who is 19 years old and who is beautiful ( in the lens of whiteness) but also beautiful in her blackness who id always asked if she wants to be a model... we are having an amazing conversation about this. Thank you!
You always pop off with your essays! Every time I read them , I’m compelled to take notes, and reflect upon my own experiences with both privilege and discrimination (especially as someone who used to be “ugly “). Anyways, writing this as a big thank you once again!
i am curious if you have ever felt and/or been made to feel in interaction with others (intentionally or unintentionally) like you were less than because of your disarming beauty and skill in wielding it?
admittedly, also coming from one who acknowledges their own unmaskable beauty, and the privileges/challenges that follow. And said from a space of wanting your story (if one exists) to be shared bc i think it could serve to protect many of our peers, with view of your platform, in many ways.
what a phenomenal question. i… nothing truly comes to mind in terms of my FEELING less than, because i’m confident to the level of obliviousness. however, i can bring up situations where i think the person intended to demean me (that are now only obvious in hindsight). usually that Beauty vs. intelligence dichotomy.
Thank you for the labor and thought you have put into this piece. I've never read such a nuanced take on beauty. I have read and listened to it a few times and have thoughts I don't quite have answers for.
1)At the end, it's stated that once your body (or one's body) ages, they will be closer to 'structurally Ugly' and thus free. I think this assumes that the 'Uglies' are free now; that their lack of desirability renders them free from being status symbols, or objectified, used, etc..., but this isn't necessarily true. I think you mention earlier that everyone suffers from Beauty, so how is it that you believe this will disappear with age? Any person that is a non-cis man is objectified and made to perform to legitimize Beauty as a regime---regardless of whether they're Beautiful or Ugly, no?
2)On Black beauty standards being rooted in whiteness I think I am still confused. On Beauty being a white construct even more so. Although probably different in form, Beauty has existed prior to whiteness. Probably not with the same capital power, but definitely with other benefits like social capital, desirability, etc.. I also think that structurally, traits associated with Blackness [ie: curvier bodies, big lips, darker skin, etc...] are being seen as beautiful, desirable. We see this with the obsession with BBLs, lip jobs, etc.. I am just a bit confused here.
3)What happens then for those not at/near the top? It's unlikely that those who benefit are aware of their position, think badly of it, or that they will try to topple the institution. How does one create a world for themselves in such a violent society that opts out of something so tangible. How do we put this theory into practice?
Thank you so much.
When you spoke abt the bra warning from mom I was like my mommmm said the same but I love my swing low sweet chariots🤣ismatu, I feel so so seen by your critical self reflection. Gosh. Thank you for existing.