i’ve come back from visiting my partner’s family abroad 2 weeks ago. in the 2 weeks i’ve been back, i’ve been bed-ridden with fear. i have done nothing but sleep, eat, and scroll on my phone. i couldn’t get past my fear of the unknown; this includes death, choosing life, choosing love, and what applying myself to true liberation looks like. this piece just put into words the fear i have been experiencing, and helped me examine it through less of a doom lens, and more of a compassionate understanding lens. i don’t quite know what my calling is yet in this process, i’m glad you do. i want it to be writing however i was told too early that my form of writing was not required or sufficient. working through that. i’m planning on joining a mutual aid program near me, to help build my community and guarantee more protection for everyone. doing this with love because as you said, it feels good to be alive. i hope to walk with that reverberating in my head until it drips onto my heart, coating it thickly. thank you for all you write ismatu. i hope your mom is doing better, and good luck with tribal duties 🫶
it does feel so good to be alive. i too have been trying to refocus my doom scroll energy towards community effort, creation, and boy is it hard. true liberation is such a deep desire of mine, not to see it in my lifetime, but to know i and the community i bear myself into are planting the seeds for our children’s children to know love radically. and continue seeking this true mastery which is service. the service of their body, their community, the divine.
"i told you that i was afraid / of stating my opinion in a clear and honest way / they told me in my youth it wasn't needed / some thoughts are best deleted / everyone agreed it"
the beths - "i told you that i was afraid" ❤️🩹
i rly recommend this song, and the album it comes from, for some welcome catharsis. i felt everything u wrote here 💞
Heavily related to this. Your insights felt like a gift I needed right at this moment. Black August for me has been so much about study, which in & of itself has helped to dispel fear of the unknown. But resistance & fear are still surfacing as this month wears on. I’m growing in knowledge, but not stronger in my ability to make decisions for myself & that’s a problem. One of my last spiritual insights was about self-doubt. My task has been transforming that into aligned action. Practicing to achieve mastery in this new phase of my life that I don’t feel qualified for. This was so helpful to hear/read. Thank you for sharing Ismatu. Shukraan.
Your writing always comes when I need it most, Ismatu! I’ve been feeling this exact kind of fear of creation lately, and hearing that it’s simply because of my lack of control over my own art makes me realize that I should just let go. Feel free to create without the pretense of proving something to others or to myself, but to simply be and give service to what I love. Thank you for this piece, it is truly empowering :)
I’m going to be digesting this for some days but this resonates deeply right now the paralysis from fear this was beautifully expressed thank you. I wish I had more to say
I deeply connect with your writing. You might connect with my writing too. I believe that money doesn't need to be such a heavy topic, it gets to be magical. There gets to be a relationship we cultivate with money beyond capitalism. One of care, love and reverence for the resources that are connected to money. I believe in queering money. I believe that the most magical guides for anti-capitalist abudance are to be found in nature. I offer sessions for releasing shame around money from an anti-capitalist lens. I also offer free sessions for BIPoC & queer folx. <3
Thank you so much for your service and public experience of it! I have also been feeling some fear lately and have been wallowing in what strikes me as others’ misconceptions of it. I’ve also put pen to paper about it and have been finding reprieve in dancing to music that reliably moves me<3
i swear my spirit team pushed me to read this today and im so thankful i did. thank you for the hope and inspiration and for reminding my Spirit that it does feel good to be alive despite the horrors that are ongoing because I can create a better world (maybe just by a bit) by caring and creating with intention.
Loved, loved this piece. 🤎
i’ve come back from visiting my partner’s family abroad 2 weeks ago. in the 2 weeks i’ve been back, i’ve been bed-ridden with fear. i have done nothing but sleep, eat, and scroll on my phone. i couldn’t get past my fear of the unknown; this includes death, choosing life, choosing love, and what applying myself to true liberation looks like. this piece just put into words the fear i have been experiencing, and helped me examine it through less of a doom lens, and more of a compassionate understanding lens. i don’t quite know what my calling is yet in this process, i’m glad you do. i want it to be writing however i was told too early that my form of writing was not required or sufficient. working through that. i’m planning on joining a mutual aid program near me, to help build my community and guarantee more protection for everyone. doing this with love because as you said, it feels good to be alive. i hope to walk with that reverberating in my head until it drips onto my heart, coating it thickly. thank you for all you write ismatu. i hope your mom is doing better, and good luck with tribal duties 🫶
it does feel so good to be alive. i too have been trying to refocus my doom scroll energy towards community effort, creation, and boy is it hard. true liberation is such a deep desire of mine, not to see it in my lifetime, but to know i and the community i bear myself into are planting the seeds for our children’s children to know love radically. and continue seeking this true mastery which is service. the service of their body, their community, the divine.
"i told you that i was afraid / of stating my opinion in a clear and honest way / they told me in my youth it wasn't needed / some thoughts are best deleted / everyone agreed it"
the beths - "i told you that i was afraid" ❤️🩹
i rly recommend this song, and the album it comes from, for some welcome catharsis. i felt everything u wrote here 💞
Heavily related to this. Your insights felt like a gift I needed right at this moment. Black August for me has been so much about study, which in & of itself has helped to dispel fear of the unknown. But resistance & fear are still surfacing as this month wears on. I’m growing in knowledge, but not stronger in my ability to make decisions for myself & that’s a problem. One of my last spiritual insights was about self-doubt. My task has been transforming that into aligned action. Practicing to achieve mastery in this new phase of my life that I don’t feel qualified for. This was so helpful to hear/read. Thank you for sharing Ismatu. Shukraan.
Your writing always comes when I need it most, Ismatu! I’ve been feeling this exact kind of fear of creation lately, and hearing that it’s simply because of my lack of control over my own art makes me realize that I should just let go. Feel free to create without the pretense of proving something to others or to myself, but to simply be and give service to what I love. Thank you for this piece, it is truly empowering :)
I am so amazed by you. What a relatable moment, a reminder of the shared experience. And so beautifully captured and written.
perfect message for today. Than you for sharing <3
I’m going to be digesting this for some days but this resonates deeply right now the paralysis from fear this was beautifully expressed thank you. I wish I had more to say
I deeply connect with your writing. You might connect with my writing too. I believe that money doesn't need to be such a heavy topic, it gets to be magical. There gets to be a relationship we cultivate with money beyond capitalism. One of care, love and reverence for the resources that are connected to money. I believe in queering money. I believe that the most magical guides for anti-capitalist abudance are to be found in nature. I offer sessions for releasing shame around money from an anti-capitalist lens. I also offer free sessions for BIPoC & queer folx. <3
Ase
This really gave me everything I needed in this moment 🥹❤️ thank you!
i think this essay is going to haunt me and my practice for a bit of time (in fact, i may invite it to do so). thanks as always for sharing.
This piece was on time as I reevaluate my goals and what is in my power to reach them. Service
this resonates with me so so deeply and at the exactly the right time. thank you thank you thank you!!
Thank you so much for your service and public experience of it! I have also been feeling some fear lately and have been wallowing in what strikes me as others’ misconceptions of it. I’ve also put pen to paper about it and have been finding reprieve in dancing to music that reliably moves me<3
This was absolutely beautiful! Thank you!
i swear my spirit team pushed me to read this today and im so thankful i did. thank you for the hope and inspiration and for reminding my Spirit that it does feel good to be alive despite the horrors that are ongoing because I can create a better world (maybe just by a bit) by caring and creating with intention.