A true sabbath and telling off god (universe, whatever), yes! (no smitings for me so far...) Virtual hugs in this unique but also too familiar grieving path. And you've given me, besides the huge gift of your thoughts, a new journal section: TARIG (Thoughts After Reading Ismatu Gwendolyn), though iQoTP is definitely more poetic :)
Your line “im only 25 I still want my parents” really brought me to tears. I don’t know if I ever truly let myself feel that sentiment when I lost my mom at 25, she passed from MDS which is a precursor of leukemia and a product of chemo. I’m 32 now, soon to be 33 and I still want my mom. I don’t know if I fully mourned the absence of her presence at my wedding & I often ruminate over the promise I could never keep to buy a house with a smaller house on site at which she could always be nearby & care for her grandchildren who do not yet exist.
I do not regret the “partial” mourning I have done so far. Without its partiality I would have been less present for those still with me then, and now.
So I thank you for transporting me back into my 25 y/o self to mourn with her.
In return, I (re)affirm that while it is incredibly difficult, you are right to rest. You must care for yourself to care for others, like putting on your O2 mask in an airplane before helping others with theirs.
Your words are so precious and profound. Thank you for sharing them with us. You are so loved, seen and cherished. Sending so much love and strength. Wishing you all the hugs and rest.
I wish I could express fully how much I reading your writing invigorates me, but as I am on my way to work and only have a few minutes, I do just want to say one thing.
As someone about 10 years older that you, who's also had the world end many times over, I would answer that question like this:
You will only love temporary things, or you will love nothing at all. It takes a great presistance of will to keep your heart open and continue loving again and again, knowing the inevitable end we all face.
It is, in essence, exactly as you put it in your "flowery" language. I prefer to think of your words as a painting a picture, one that's full of hope in the face of difficult things. Which is why I keep coming back to your writing when I feel like I need rest and a reset.
Thank you for your words. I recently thought about cutting my mother out of my life for a variety of reasons (something I've been pondering since childhood). I'm reconsidering a lower contact option, because as you said in another piece I stumbled across (for the 2nd time) yesterday (ok God)...how can we love ourselves if we don't love our mothers? Unfortunately, it's taken impending death to bring me back to reality. My mother reached out again after no contact because my lil cousin has colon cancer. I'm wishing you and everyone here and all of our families the best. May we remember what's important. And remember to love the humanity within ourselves and others, even through all of our imperfections and the way this society leads some of us politically and socially astray.
Bless you and your mama and your world Ismatu. I love you. I pray one day that my words/work have as much of a blooming, beautiful impact as yours. my admiration far, far surpasses any envy. Eat well tonight 💚☪️
wishing you hugs, from someone whose mum also has cancer ❤
Wholeheartedly, felt ❤️🩹❤️
🫂💗🫂
Sending the biggest hugs 🤎 🫂
A true sabbath and telling off god (universe, whatever), yes! (no smitings for me so far...) Virtual hugs in this unique but also too familiar grieving path. And you've given me, besides the huge gift of your thoughts, a new journal section: TARIG (Thoughts After Reading Ismatu Gwendolyn), though iQoTP is definitely more poetic :)
This was so beautiful 🖤 thank you so much for sharing, I needed to hear this.
sending so much love and hugs your way as you navigate this immensely conflicting and challenging time🫂❤️
Your line “im only 25 I still want my parents” really brought me to tears. I don’t know if I ever truly let myself feel that sentiment when I lost my mom at 25, she passed from MDS which is a precursor of leukemia and a product of chemo. I’m 32 now, soon to be 33 and I still want my mom. I don’t know if I fully mourned the absence of her presence at my wedding & I often ruminate over the promise I could never keep to buy a house with a smaller house on site at which she could always be nearby & care for her grandchildren who do not yet exist.
I do not regret the “partial” mourning I have done so far. Without its partiality I would have been less present for those still with me then, and now.
So I thank you for transporting me back into my 25 y/o self to mourn with her.
In return, I (re)affirm that while it is incredibly difficult, you are right to rest. You must care for yourself to care for others, like putting on your O2 mask in an airplane before helping others with theirs.
thank you for this...sending love to you <3
Your words are so precious and profound. Thank you for sharing them with us. You are so loved, seen and cherished. Sending so much love and strength. Wishing you all the hugs and rest.
I wish I could express fully how much I reading your writing invigorates me, but as I am on my way to work and only have a few minutes, I do just want to say one thing.
As someone about 10 years older that you, who's also had the world end many times over, I would answer that question like this:
You will only love temporary things, or you will love nothing at all. It takes a great presistance of will to keep your heart open and continue loving again and again, knowing the inevitable end we all face.
It is, in essence, exactly as you put it in your "flowery" language. I prefer to think of your words as a painting a picture, one that's full of hope in the face of difficult things. Which is why I keep coming back to your writing when I feel like I need rest and a reset.
tldr: wholeheartedly, thank you
Sending comfort your way. And a big hug. I'm sorry you're going through something so difficult.
Thank you for your words. I recently thought about cutting my mother out of my life for a variety of reasons (something I've been pondering since childhood). I'm reconsidering a lower contact option, because as you said in another piece I stumbled across (for the 2nd time) yesterday (ok God)...how can we love ourselves if we don't love our mothers? Unfortunately, it's taken impending death to bring me back to reality. My mother reached out again after no contact because my lil cousin has colon cancer. I'm wishing you and everyone here and all of our families the best. May we remember what's important. And remember to love the humanity within ourselves and others, even through all of our imperfections and the way this society leads some of us politically and socially astray.
Bless you and your mama and your world Ismatu. I love you. I pray one day that my words/work have as much of a blooming, beautiful impact as yours. my admiration far, far surpasses any envy. Eat well tonight 💚☪️
Hearing you speak about being 25 as a 15 year old makes me feel a bit better about growing up.
That there are people who have felt what i have felt and they’re still alive.
So thank you so much. (and i’ll go hug my mom)
wow ismatu. amazing email, and i hope your ability to take a big deep breath grows stronger. 🫂🫂🫶