God, what a sublime declaration. I’ve felt similarly about what allows me to move through the world with such an (in the current system at least) antagonistic politic. And I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were not grieving, if I wasn’t surviving my day in spite... I’d have been robbed of even more humanity by such dehumanizing entities. I’ll definitely be revisiting this piece frequently!
I am so happy I came here from tiktok to listen to the whole audio. Your words have been ingrained to my brain and I they will stick with me for the rest of my life. Thank you so much.
I want you to know that you bring words to my grief. My grief is this strange, gnarled menacingly silent creature. We normally just lock eyes and bear whatever flavor of pain the system is serving for the day. But when I played this for my grief, she nodded. Please know you bring words to my grief because she hasn’t found her voice yet and that is such a gift. Thank you Ismatu.
i wish i had the words to imbue in my comment what this piece imbued in me but i will settle for the deepest, sincerest thank you. this filled me with more than my chest can bear and i am grateful for it.
Thank you for your words. So often I am told that when I feel the suffering of the world I need to look away, to ignore it for a while and be happy for my own sake. I don’t want to look away, I want to act. Thank you for sharing your grief and giving me the courage to act.
i stumbled upon this at nearly 5 am... haven’t slept properly in days and when i do, i dream of charred bodies and bloody sunsets. i’m a writer and i have so much anger within me - but i do not want to write. i usually do when i’m feeling too much, it’s my way of coping. but i do not wish to cope. i also do not think i have the right to despair... so thank you for this. thank you. thank you for sharing your anger, your grief, your hope and making so many of us feel seen and heard. thank you.
i mourn for my youth. i've been an adult for so few years that for a majority of my activism, i was a minor, and i've been fearing the death i witnessed ever since. in an attempt to get ahead of the curve, i started to kill myself, hoping to respect the experience of youth that i prayed and hoped and craved for, that i read lovely books about. i wanted to save the child that shouldn't have had to fight, but that child is much more selfless than me and she will not be silent while others don't make it to 18. i consider it a blessing to have lived this long, and that fierce child i was certainly didn't expect it, but all the borrowed freedom that adulthood allows me isn't meant for me at all. it's meant so that there are no more fierce children marching on the streets, and i'm pained and grateful that the call to serve everyone and everything i love came now. there will always be a romantic grief for that youth that died so many years ago, but the heavier pain summons my breath just to steal it, reminds me at all times that living my life and dying is not enough. it cannot ever be enough. i'm lucky and glad that i could find some hope and direction in this essay, so thank you very much, ismatu.
I am late to this essay but I have to say, I sobbed hysterically after reading this. Hearing you pray and beg healed a deep inner wound inside of my soul. I have been blamed for my over emotion and begged by family to suffocate my fire. All I’ve ever wanted to do was to feel my grief and be justified, to finally move with these emotions I’ve been begged to bottle. I feared anger and grief for I witnessed how it formed my mother and father. I am depressed knowing I will never got to know my parents for their mental consumed them. Capitalism has taken so much from them and I grief that even though I learned to express and process my emotions, I feel isolation in this burn. So healing, so freeing to feel my grief. I love you Ismatu, thank you.
I can feel your warmth through my computer screen. Thank you, Ismatu, for being so candid and vulnerable-- today you have reignited my hope. <3
This really spoke to me. Thank you for your words. 😩❤️
Felt a flutter in my heart reading this. I’ve been disheartened for so long that catharsis of print of angst felt so foreign to me. Thank you.
God, what a sublime declaration. I’ve felt similarly about what allows me to move through the world with such an (in the current system at least) antagonistic politic. And I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were not grieving, if I wasn’t surviving my day in spite... I’d have been robbed of even more humanity by such dehumanizing entities. I’ll definitely be revisiting this piece frequently!
I was moved to tears. Thank you.
I am so happy I came here from tiktok to listen to the whole audio. Your words have been ingrained to my brain and I they will stick with me for the rest of my life. Thank you so much.
I want you to know that you bring words to my grief. My grief is this strange, gnarled menacingly silent creature. We normally just lock eyes and bear whatever flavor of pain the system is serving for the day. But when I played this for my grief, she nodded. Please know you bring words to my grief because she hasn’t found her voice yet and that is such a gift. Thank you Ismatu.
thank u so much for putting this into words
i wish i had the words to imbue in my comment what this piece imbued in me but i will settle for the deepest, sincerest thank you. this filled me with more than my chest can bear and i am grateful for it.
Thank you for your words. So often I am told that when I feel the suffering of the world I need to look away, to ignore it for a while and be happy for my own sake. I don’t want to look away, I want to act. Thank you for sharing your grief and giving me the courage to act.
i stumbled upon this at nearly 5 am... haven’t slept properly in days and when i do, i dream of charred bodies and bloody sunsets. i’m a writer and i have so much anger within me - but i do not want to write. i usually do when i’m feeling too much, it’s my way of coping. but i do not wish to cope. i also do not think i have the right to despair... so thank you for this. thank you. thank you for sharing your anger, your grief, your hope and making so many of us feel seen and heard. thank you.
i mourn for my youth. i've been an adult for so few years that for a majority of my activism, i was a minor, and i've been fearing the death i witnessed ever since. in an attempt to get ahead of the curve, i started to kill myself, hoping to respect the experience of youth that i prayed and hoped and craved for, that i read lovely books about. i wanted to save the child that shouldn't have had to fight, but that child is much more selfless than me and she will not be silent while others don't make it to 18. i consider it a blessing to have lived this long, and that fierce child i was certainly didn't expect it, but all the borrowed freedom that adulthood allows me isn't meant for me at all. it's meant so that there are no more fierce children marching on the streets, and i'm pained and grateful that the call to serve everyone and everything i love came now. there will always be a romantic grief for that youth that died so many years ago, but the heavier pain summons my breath just to steal it, reminds me at all times that living my life and dying is not enough. it cannot ever be enough. i'm lucky and glad that i could find some hope and direction in this essay, so thank you very much, ismatu.
Hello :)
I think about this letter at least once a week. The being on fire metaphor resonated with me in a cathartic way. Thank you for sharing this.
I am late to this essay but I have to say, I sobbed hysterically after reading this. Hearing you pray and beg healed a deep inner wound inside of my soul. I have been blamed for my over emotion and begged by family to suffocate my fire. All I’ve ever wanted to do was to feel my grief and be justified, to finally move with these emotions I’ve been begged to bottle. I feared anger and grief for I witnessed how it formed my mother and father. I am depressed knowing I will never got to know my parents for their mental consumed them. Capitalism has taken so much from them and I grief that even though I learned to express and process my emotions, I feel isolation in this burn. So healing, so freeing to feel my grief. I love you Ismatu, thank you.