Instead of willing myself to love something that I simply do not, what if I was honest in my self-loathing? What might I be compelled to change if I did not feel morally bound to positivity?
I’m so glad to read this because I’ve been thinking about it so much. I saw a TikTok a while ago that said we spend too much time trying to change our feelings instead of trying to understand them. I’ve been growing so frustrated with myself because I feel stagnant at the ripe age of 23. I had an epiphany recently that I am gentle-parenting myself a little too much. I look back at 20, 21, 22 year old me and commend how much she did and wonder what the fuck happened. Aside from the bullshit that actually did happen (lol), I realized I have been slacking on holding myself accountable. Letting myself bail far too frequently, failing to commit to things I know I want to do, ignoring what activities make me feel good cus I want to be introverted that day. And it is really fucking annoying! I hate that I do that! All of this is to say, I’m so glad someone else has written about how it feels to not be happy with themselves…and it be ok.
I think I might end up putting the feelings paragraph on TikTok. I think contemporary thought compels us to stifle everything that isn’t immediately productive to us and it leads to me feeling even more ashamed of myself as before.
"The true task of love is present in moments when you are ashamed of your actions."
I think love requires accountability. My mom is someone who I trust completely and know loves me no matter what *because* when I do something that hurts others, she holds me to account--I think the same is true of ourselves. Accepting your flaws, yes, is important, but loving yourself unconditionally does not contradict trying to be a better person! Unconditional love for yourself is a challenge specifically because it requires you to not just say "I'm great!" but to recognize your flaws and weaknesses and the bad things you have done and do the goddamn work to correct it and take care of yourself through all that. Less than that is a disservice to yourself and to others, I think. This is such a great article and I love love love it. I think bell hooks has some great thought on this: "Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust."
I’m so glad to read this because I’ve been thinking about it so much. I saw a TikTok a while ago that said we spend too much time trying to change our feelings instead of trying to understand them. I’ve been growing so frustrated with myself because I feel stagnant at the ripe age of 23. I had an epiphany recently that I am gentle-parenting myself a little too much. I look back at 20, 21, 22 year old me and commend how much she did and wonder what the fuck happened. Aside from the bullshit that actually did happen (lol), I realized I have been slacking on holding myself accountable. Letting myself bail far too frequently, failing to commit to things I know I want to do, ignoring what activities make me feel good cus I want to be introverted that day. And it is really fucking annoying! I hate that I do that! All of this is to say, I’m so glad someone else has written about how it feels to not be happy with themselves…and it be ok.
I think I might end up putting the feelings paragraph on TikTok. I think contemporary thought compels us to stifle everything that isn’t immediately productive to us and it leads to me feeling even more ashamed of myself as before.
"The true task of love is present in moments when you are ashamed of your actions."
I think love requires accountability. My mom is someone who I trust completely and know loves me no matter what *because* when I do something that hurts others, she holds me to account--I think the same is true of ourselves. Accepting your flaws, yes, is important, but loving yourself unconditionally does not contradict trying to be a better person! Unconditional love for yourself is a challenge specifically because it requires you to not just say "I'm great!" but to recognize your flaws and weaknesses and the bad things you have done and do the goddamn work to correct it and take care of yourself through all that. Less than that is a disservice to yourself and to others, I think. This is such a great article and I love love love it. I think bell hooks has some great thought on this: "Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust."
you spoil me
what an essay!!!!!!!!! i love this so much thank you